Cheating happens more often than we think. According to research, a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs. And one in four of these people said they cheated and admitted to their partner. But please know this, even if your girlfriend is cheating on you, it doesn’t always imply that it’s the end of the road for your relationship. If you’re wondering what’s up with her and cannot put your finger on what’s wrong, if the thought “I think my girlfriend is cheating but I can’t prove it” comes to mind, we know the anxiety that can bring. If you are indeed thinking that she might be cheating on you, then you have every right to be doubting her strange behavior. The more you sit back and ignore it, the more you will overthink it. It is entirely possible that something else is up but your mind will only be put to rest when you know for sure. Not sure who to ask and what to do? Well, we are here to solve all your queries. We spoke to counselor Neelam Vats (certified CBT and NLP practitioner), who has over two decades of experience helping children, adolescents, and adults cope with issues related to depression, anxiety, interpersonal relationship, and career concerns, about signs that your girlfriend has cheated on you. Read on to know more.
How To Know If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You
Are you logging on to your computer at 3 a.m. and googling: Is my girlfriend cheating on me? Because if you are, then we truly hope that your doubts are wrong. However, we know you wish to get to the bottom of what is making you feel this way in the first place. Is it just bouts of insecurity or is she indeed going to be the cause of betrayal in your relationship? So, here we are with a quick checklist to ease your qualms. “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me but I can’t prove it” and “How do I find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me?” – have such thoughts been troubling you? Then use this checklist to arrive at a conclusion about where your relationship might be heading.
1. She is always distracted and never interested in what you say
If the ‘I always think my girlfriend is cheating on me’ thought is always on your mind, then know that the clearest sign of infidelity or disinterest is if your girlfriend is getting less and less attentive toward you and your needs. So if your ‘you-are-always-my-top-priority’ kind of girl starts ignoring you, then she is clearly pushing you away from herself. Neelam says, “If she seems more and more distracted with each passing day, it could be a sign that she is cheating on you. If she barely seems to look you in the eyes, or it’s hard for her to stay in conversation, or you find yourself repeating things to her because she’s not listening, know that it’s a possible sign of infidelity.” Sure, it could be a new project at work or maybe she’s just generally distracted by her other commitments. But any major shift in the vibe of a relationship is not without a really good reason. If you sense her to be off most of the time when she is around you, that is cause for worry. Not to break your heart beforehand, but we suggest you be prepared for the impending breakup.
2. Is my girlfriend cheating on me? Maybe if she got new bangs and refreshed her wardrobe all of a sudden
If your girlfriend has suddenly become the new-babe-in-town from I-prefer-being-comfortable-in-my-shabby-clothes (even on date nights with you), then my friend, infidelity is in the air. Now, don’t get too paranoid and assume she’s cheating on you just because she got a blowout or some new nails. Neelam explains, “If she suddenly cares about her appearance again after years of bumming around in a t-shirt and jeans, there could be more to this than meets the eye. Is she wearing a brand new wardrobe? I’m not saying that there couldn’t be different reasons for the change but you cannot rule out the possibility that she is trying to impress someone. You may also see a considerable change in her grooming habits.” It’s a good thing that she is paying attention to herself. It’s not that she is not allowed to take care of herself but if she’s gone into the too-glamorous-to-believe zone, and that too on someone’s suggestion (and that ‘someone else’ is not you), then know that something has changed. Cheating is a possibility that you should not rule out.
3. Bathing too much to wash away any evidence
This sign is the scariest of them all. If your partner comes home and jumps right into a long shower, chances are that they may be washing away evidence of cheating. Fragrances and other body odor may linger onto her after her dates with the person she could be cheating on you with. So once or twice is fine but if you find this behavior repetitive, get your Sherlock Holmes glasses on and cut off the water supply (Okay, we know that’s a bad idea). But this would be the right time to wonder if these are signs she cheated in the past, and is continuing to cheat in the present. Stay vigilant.
4. No more dragging you to parties with her
Ever asked a friend, “Is my girlfriend cheating on me or am I paranoid?” Well, sorry to break your heart but you are not being paranoid if she suddenly stopped inviting you out when she is with her friends. Being in a happy relationship is about wanting to cherish and enjoy the good moments together. Earlier, you were always invited to all her friends’ birthdays and anniversary parties and now she tells you that she is with a friend but you are completely ignored? Red alert! She is either planning a beautiful surprise for you or something else is cooking entirely. If she is no longer dragging you to parties with her, it could be a sign that she is cheating on you. This could be the right time to give more weight to your thought: “I think my girlfriend is cheating but I can’t prove it”.
5. Sudden change in her future plans
Earlier, the girl who made future plans involving both of you has now started talking about taking a trip to Miami all alone. Then, dear reader, things might be worse than a shady travel plan. Of course, personal space in a relationship is important and she should bask in her individuality, but watch out for when she forgets the ‘we’ entirely and it becomes all about ‘me’. According to Neelam, if “she is not making future plans that involve both of you”, infidelity could be a reason for it. Hear us out. Start bringing in topics about your future together. It may not necessarily be marriage or baby plans, but something that you both would do five years down the line (a trip to Miami perhaps?). That would give you a fair idea of whether she wants to be with you for the long haul or not. Watch how she reacts, it might help you gauge your answer to the question: did my gf cheat on me? Thank us later.
6. Increase in security checks
If you’re wondering, “How to find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me?”, then Neelam recommends “checking if she is paying way too much attention to her phone than she normally does. Hiding things from her partner on the phone or trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence – these are the ways to tell if your girlfriend has cheated on you or is cheating on you.” This is the easiest tell. We agree that being glued to one’s smartphone has become a casual habit these days but doing it way too much is a non-ignorable sign of cheating. Do keep a check on whether she hides her screen while texting or walks a little afar to receive calls. Her behavior around her phone will help you find out if she is cheating online. The moment someone starts acting guarded around their phones, you know things are fishy. Also, her phone and laptop will suddenly start having more passwords than earlier and, unfortunately, it would neither be your name or birth date nor would you know what the new password is. Sadly, no matter how easy smartphones have made our lives, there is no ‘my girlfriend cheating on me’ app for you to get out of this one.
7. Notice her body language if you’re thinking ‘Is my girlfriend cheating on me?’
When a person is cheating, not only does their appearance or behavior change but you will also see a major change in their body language toward you. So if your kissing-all-the-time and rolling-together-in-the-bed girlfriend is no longer interested in frequent physical contact, the signs of infidelity are quite obvious here. According to Neelam, a few other changes in body language or physical signs that could indicate infidelity include “too much or the lack of eye contact, rapid blinking, overreacting during conversation, hesitation in speech, concise answers, fidgeting with clothes and objects, and giving her partner the cold shoulder”. She further elaborates, “If she tenses up when you try to touch her or is not interested in getting physically intimate with you anymore, it could be a sign that she’s cheating on you.” It is said that a change in physical pattern is the topmost sign of judging whether your partner is actually cheating on you or not. Both a decrease and an increase in sex is a sign. The prior means that the partner is now focused on someone else while the latter means that they are guilty and trying to cover up with extra hanky-panky. If you think back on the past and notice there have always been periods of physical withdrawal from her end, these could be signs she cheated in the past as well.
8. “Is my girlfriend cheating on me?” Yes, if she is lying to you
“Is my girlfriend cheating on me with a coworker?” or “Is my girlfriend cheating on me with her ex?” – you can test these fears by seeing how she reacts when you mention the name of that person. Ask her casually if they are still in touch or if she has seen them lately. Her cheating guilt will overcome her and you’ll be able to tell if she is lying to you just by the look in her eyes. One thing that kills any and every relationship is lies. If you have caught (or even felt traces of) her lying to you about where she has been or who she was with, then it’s bad news. If you’ve got a hunch about her infidelity, don’t dismiss it. If she has been evasive and distant, something could be up. And the answer to the question “Did my gf cheat on me?” could be a yes.
9. Change in money habits
Even the slightest change could be a sign sometimes. Like, the Starbucks coffee she would indulge in every other day is now something she does not even consider spending her money on anymore. Then think, where is she actually spending that money? When you’re leading some sort of a double life, it does become expensive after a point. If you’ve noticed a dramatic shift in the way your girl has been handling her finances, then the answer to your question “Is my girlfriend cheating on me?” might actually be yes. But when we say dramatic, we mean dramatic. Don’t go all crazy on her just because she decided to choose McDonald’s over The Cheesecake Factory for dinner.
10. Your relationship problems have vanished into thin air
Are you the kind of couple that often had a lot of relationship arguments and issues that you had to spend time on, figuring them out? Try to notice if there is a decrease in effort on her end when it comes to sorting those issues. Says Neelam, “If your girlfriend does not get mad at you for not paying attention to her or for things that she used to get angry about earlier, it could be a sign of infidelity.” This could be a cue to ask yourself, “Is she cheating on me?” Did you often spend time in the kitchen discussing your fights and problems so you would not go to bed angry with each other? While that is indeed constructive, notice if she does not bother resolving issues with you anymore. This does not mean the issues don’t exist. But she clearly has other things on her plate, so this is just not worth the discussion any longer.
11. Being indifferent to the things you did together
Did she forget to come to the date night at the park or doesn’t bring home that wine you love anymore? If there are specific things you did together or rituals you two had that now keep slipping her mind, then sound the alarm. One or two distractions are fine but plain indifference is worrisome. Neelam says, “If the little things that were important to her earlier don’t matter anymore, or if she no longer shows interest in doing things or activities that she loved doing with you, or she’s picked up a hobby that she used to hate, or her interests have suddenly changed, then there’s a high possibility that she is cheating on you.” If you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s especially scary to ask oneself, “Is my girlfriend cheating on me long distance?” With the distance, it is much harder to gauge what she is all about. But if she often forgets those Skype dates you plan or forgets to text you on your walk home from work, she has clearly become a little indifferent to how you used to spend time together.
12. You feel insecure around her
Moving on from her and her changed habits, we also need to consider how you feel around her these days. If she is showing the above signs, you are obviously uneasy and awkward when you are with her. If you are suddenly feeling restless and insecure instead of that sense of comfort you would feel around her earlier, or know intuitively that things are off, then trust your hunch because you could be right. This could be your body’s natural response to the thought “Is she cheating on me?”, so pay attention. If you’re saying to yourself, “I always think my girlfriend is cheating but I can’t prove it” or if you are unable to sleep because of your ‘my girlfriend cheating on me in my dreams’ thoughts, then your sixth sense is definitely trying to tell you something. Do you feel signs of texting anxiety when you send her messages during the day? Notice if there is a change in the way you are feeling around her because that itself is a big giveaway.
A Final Check – Is My Girlfriend Cheating On Me?
If a lot of points on the checklist have already been marked by now, then we would like you to do something to get a final check on her and find out if your girlfriend is cheating on you. It’ll lay all your ‘is my girlfriend cheating on me or am I paranoid?’ thoughts to rest and finally give you the answer you’ve been looking for. We don’t want relationships breaking on mere assumptions. Like we said earlier, she might be planning a surprise for you and you may have read it all wrong. Neelam says, “Never confront a cheater without a plan because they will deny all accusations of infidelity. Confront them with evidence. Make sure you are calm and collected. I know it is the hardest thing to do but try not to let your emotions control you.” Give her a gift (a date dress is the best option), plan an exquisite date night, and make her feel special that evening (doesn’t matter whether you both are staying together or not). Do whatever you can to make her feel like a princess for that dinner. Flowers (preferably roses), red carpet, violinist, or whatever she likes and fits your budget. While you are on the date, bring up the topic of her change of behavior. Tell her that you feel ignored and less loved (without saying a word about you thinking that she is cheating on you). While you talk about it, study her reaction and body language. Sometimes, it may simply be that she has started taking the relationship and you for granted and with this magical date, she would realize her mistake. In that case, her response would be positive and she would be willing to make up to you henceforth. Another reaction could be that she would feel utterly guilty of you loving her so much and leave the other person (if, at all, they exist). In the last scenario, well, her guilt might make her tell you the truth if she was attracted to someone else or already cheating on you. No matter what the situation is, after the date, you will have a clear idea of where your relationship lies.
What To Do If You Think She’s Cheating On You
So, you’ve found out that the answer to the question “Is my girlfriend cheating on me?” is a big yes. What now, you wonder. You have to take the next steps carefully and cautiously, depending on what you want out of the relationship now that you’ve found out that she has cheated.
1. Confront her
Clear communication is always a good idea. Sit her down, keep yourself composed, and ask her why she cheated on you. There are numerous reasons for infidelity. Create a space in which she can be honest about her mistakes. If she comes clean about the cheating, you can take further steps accordingly. If she does not, you’ll know you tried.
2. Call it quits
If the cheating is not a one-time occurence, if it has been happening repeatedly, it is fair for you to want to end the relationship. Being with a partner who constantly cheats can be toxic and unhealthy for you. So, if you believe that you have had enough with her cheating, ending the relationship is also a reasonable option so that you can seek honesty, happiness, and loyalty in somebody else out there.
3. Strengthen your relationship
Cheating doesn’t always have to mean it’s the end of the relationship. If she convinces you that she is willing to change and will not make the same mistake again, consider giving her a chance. You never know, the cheating might make her realize how much she values what she has with you. She might put in more effort than ever before to do her best to prove to you that her loyalty lies with you and the relationship.
