Whenever I heard Kalidasa’s version of the story of Dushyant-Shakuntala, I kept wondering to how Dushyant could forget Shakuntala after having loved her so passionately. After making countless promises of love and assurances to return, he disappeared without a word. Related reading: Wedded at church, three children; yet husband left me
Shakuntala: A love that went through a test of fire
Much before Durvasa could curse Shakuntala, Dushyant had forgotten about her, because he was a king and he had a kingdom to run which was obviously more important than the promises he had made in some lust-driven moment to a maiden of the forest, in the fringes of the kingdom which may clearly be symbolic of the fringes of his mind. Shakuntala was always there but at the periphery of a memory that Dushyant chose to ignore. Obviously as a writer, Kalidasa loved all his characters and so to absolve Dushyant of the guilt, he added Durvasa’s curse as a narrative device. But even the curse of memory loss became Shakuntala’s responsibility. Because she ignored the calls of Rishi Durvasa at her doorstep, he cursed her that whoever she was lovelorn for would forget about her. Of course, it was her fault for hanging on to a promise that was made in a moment of passion. And when she landed at Dushyant’s court with his son Bharata, she was ridiculed as a liar. Then there is the narrative device of the ring that Dushyant had given Shakuntala before parting. As a result of the curse, Shakuntala lost her ring in the sea and years later, it was discovered by a fisherman in the stomach of a fish. Recognising it to be a royal ring, the fisherman went to Dushyant and as soon as he set eyes on it, his memory came flooding back and he was reunited with Shakuntala and his son in a happily-ever-after. Related reading: How Devayani saved Kacha from death thrice but still he didn’t love her
Modern excuses to ghost someone
What is interesting is that these external circumstances like the ring and the curse find resonance in modern-day problems. The person who ghosts may be ‘busy’ with work or with life in general and obviously does not feel the need to reconnect with the other person, who is left in doubt and ambiguity and lack of closure. This may well be acceptable (not really) if you have been involved with someone purely in an online relationship, because it ends where it begins – on text. But it can be quite painful if you were in a relationship, whether emotional or sexual and one fine day, the other person disappears, leaving you high and dry, not even considering you worthy of a breakup. When Imtiaz Ali started the trend of celebrating a breakup with Deepika Padukone and Saif Ali Khan’s Love Aaj Kal, he couldn’t have known that the millennials would completely overlook that step and hop, skip and jump to a point where breakup was not needed. I say millennials, because I hope that men and women over 25 have the emotional maturity to man up and woman up to break up to a person’s face. Related reading: How to break up with a guy nicely?
Breaking up and healing and starting again
Even the breakup song in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is a modern day ode to the breakup. The girl explains the entire process that follows. When the tears dry, she goes to the parlour and gets a makeover. She reaches out to her forgotten friends and meets them to bandage a broken heart. She burns the pictures of her ex, and with friends by her side, she heals. I wonder what Shakuntala’s ways of healing were. Perhaps nature came to her rescue, and the inevitable passage of time that makes things hurt less and less. This mythological love story ends in a positive twist but in reality is ghosting acceptable? The only time ghosting is acceptable is if you are dealing with a psycho, a stalker who refuses to take ‘No’ for an answer and if you have talked openly multiple times but have miserably failed. In all other circumstances, breaking up to a person’s face offers closure. That’s the least respect you can offer the other person with whom you have shared meals, conversations and a bed. Trust me, it will help both of you. But then, of course, who needs emotions when we can go through this world window-shopping and hopping, skipping and jumping to the next person who comes along?
